this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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