Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
