hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
