Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
