My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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