I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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