I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize