I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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