you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's just like the Real World with babies
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
