I can text with my tongue
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize