You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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