i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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