so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
