He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
