Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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