my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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