Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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