I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
