What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
