she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
