don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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