I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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