my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
