I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
pop tarts are not kleenex
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
