Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I believe in your delicious
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
