I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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