i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
