At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
