I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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