I wanna bring you to show and tell
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
