my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
how drunk are you?
Several
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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