my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
