I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
