Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
