Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
