Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
