Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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