Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
