Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
