Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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