if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I want to have your abortion
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
