He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
