He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
