Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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