I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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