I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
