my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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