i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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