I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
