The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
