I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
