We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
