just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
