what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
