4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
