he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
