Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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