I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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