its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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