does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
