She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
they're like a gay fantastic four
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
