Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
