Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
