U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
