goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
