Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
