Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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