Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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