This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
