Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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