Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
