You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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