i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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