you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
