I think scott just propositioned me for sex
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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