Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
