As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
