No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
honey bunches of taint.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
