Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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