'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
