I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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