Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
