We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
