Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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