Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize