I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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