we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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