It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
