so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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