Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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