girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
