Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
