I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
