your room smells of hookers.
And success
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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