Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
