He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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