She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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