I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
