Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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