At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
