I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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